00 pm and after having dinner my cousins go to sleep taking there her younger brother along with them while I was setting on dining table and my aunt was cleaning up. During cleaning she asked me about my cell phone that what made is it (blackberry or Nokia) I thought she have seen me watching porn on my mobile and she believes that porns r only in blackberry not in other devices so I told her about that it’s Nokia and she gave me naughty smile and passed away. I was in great shock that if she had seen me watching porn why she gave me a naughty smile without scolding then about 11.00 she asked me for tea and I responded to yes and she goes to kitchen. I was a bit frightened that why is she inquring about my cell phone And followed her to kitchen and stand behind her without any noise after she turns around and found me standing behind her she asked me what I want? I said nothing then she told me why I am standing here after sometime I asked her why she was asking about my cell phone. Nothing in the room had changed, but I could tell that Daddy wasn't there anymore. Sometimes I wondered if I was going crazy, or if he was the product of my imagination in response to some emotional need. It was true what I told him, that lately I was having feelings that I couldn't process appropriately. I was starting to crave that forbidden sexual relationship that I had enjoyed with him all those years ago. But he was gone now, and I couldn't have that anymore.Up until he had died, starting in my teen years, I had been having sex with my father. It began so innocently, so sweetly, that I never once felt like he was taking advantage of me. I was old enough to know what abuse was, and I never once labeled our relationship that way. Whenever we were together, it was so wonderful and felt so good that I thought we were in love. That part, perhaps, was unnatural. But my infatuation turned into a different kind of love, one that was still familial but also something more. I respected.
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